Cemetery
Highway
Hamish
Robert Johnson
Genre: YA Paranormal Romance
ISBN:1499520247
ASIN: B00K7JUAA4
Number of pages: 187
Cover Artist: D. Thomas Magee
Book Description:
Cemetery Highway is a rollicking
tale of fame, friendship and falls from grace, set in a world where zombies are
the elite and humans are the underclass.
Best friends Dexter, Michelle,
Penny and Cakes have started a group called the Anti Zombie Alliance and plan
on sticking it to the zombies once and for all. But when zombie big-wig Max
convinces the suave Dexter to trade his standards for stardom, things get ugly.
Available at Smashwords Amazon Kobo
Excerpt:
MICHELLE
It is said that becoming a zombie
is inevitable. Either we get attacked, or we sell out and take the Package, but
sooner or later we all become zombies. I, for one, have never seen the
advantage of aligning myself with a large group of any kind, certainly not one
hell bent on human cranial carnage.
Sure, they have all the power and
wealth, but take a look at their lifestyle. Zombies work 100 hours a week, and
yes they do make a lot of money, but what do they spend it on? A nice car that
they only use to drive to work, and expensive clothes to wear there. They have
no time to enjoy themselves, or their all-important wealth. And they don’t even
have love, because a zombie can only have whom he loved in life. To find love
after the change had always been considered impossible. Oh, and they eat
peoples brains. I tell you, it can really test my faith in the world.
Because of the current economy,
more and more humans are taking the Package. This means they sell their
humanity to the Zombie Corporation in exchange for zombie wealth and servitude.
As a human I’ve always found this to be terribly disappointing, but it is not
without its advantages. Current Zombie Corporate standards have put a stop to
any unauthorized kills, which means that all kills must be ordered by the King.
With the reduced number of savage zombie predators out and about, the streets
are safer to walk than ever before, and I have long been an advocate for human
safety and self-defense. Which brings me to the start of the story. This is the
night when everything changed.
I was out celebrating with my
three very best friends. We had been close for so long that I began to wonder
if our bond had become more of a habit than anything else. But that’s beside
the point. We’d recently formed a group called the Anti- Zombie Alliance, and
we were holding our first fundraising event at a cruddy bar in downtown
Industry. And I mean maximum cruddiness. There were tacky neon beer
advertisements, sticky carpet and a musty smell that clings to you like a stray
cat. And I’m told the men’s bathroom was just a trough of ice. Self-flushing
maybe? Who knows, some questions a lady knows better than to ask.
I was sitting behind a desk with
my best friend and Alliance co-founder, Penny Farthing, handing out brochures
and stickers to the guests. The stickers had our name and slogan, “Life, it’s
always worth the wait.” We really believed in the cause we were fighting for,
because the zombies have had it too good for too long. I didn’t realize it as a
kid, or maybe I did and just didn’t see the significance or implications, but
they really do own and run EVERYTHING. And they don’t care about us humans at
all, so we decided to stand up for ourselves. By we, I mean Penny, her
ex-boyfriend Dexter, Cakes, and me. My name is Michelle Fernside and
coincidentally enough this night was my 18th birthday.
Dexter was performing on stage as
the evening’s musical entertainment. He did kind of a one-man show where he
used programmed electronic music on his laptop and played electric guitar and
sung over it. He was good, too. We always said that he would make it big if he
could just get that all-important break.
Anyway, the guy has charisma, and
bags of it. Every time he would spin or shake his hips, which was pretty
frequently, all the girls in the crowd would swoon. Myself included. And he
kept making eyes at me and smiling while singing his beautiful lyrics. I made
eyes right back at him, which made me feel excited and nervous. I was trying to
be subtle because I didn’t want to upset Penny, but seriously, Dexter has
always been my cup of tea. He had a perfectly tapered short Afro that he combed
meticulously, and really took pride in his appearance. I always admired that.
Even when he had no money at all, he would buy silk ties from the Salvation
Army for next to nothing and wear them in such a way that he would look like he
had just taken the Package. But on this night he had no tie to speak of.
Actually he was covered with no shirt at all, just sweat dripping over the
tattoos on his smooth brown chest. I felt guilty just for looking, but it was a
good kind of guilt. Exciting, you know? Like I was getting away with something
naughty.
Speaking of naughty, I was
surprised to notice that Penny was drinking something other than a soda. “Penny
Farthing, what are you drinking?”
“Wine,” she said
matter-of-factly. She took another sip then smiled at me. “This is a bar,
Mishy.” Of course she was right. I had never been a drinker, but why should I
look at my friend differently for doing what one does in such an establishment?
“Want a sip?” she asked me. “It’s your birthday,” she said teasingly. I smiled
and nodded. She poured me a healthy glass of burgundy liquid and I took my
first sip. It was not as acrid as I expected. Quite pleasant, actually. Fruity,
in fact.
“How many of these have you had?”
“What? Tonight?” Her giddy laugh
indicated that she’s had a few. I took a big swig and Penny topped off my
glass. She splashed a bit on the white tablecloth, but it was still the
cleanest thing in here.
Penny turned to me and smiled. “I
think he likes you.”
I was a bit taken aback.
“Really?” I said. “Dexter?” I immediately regretted saying his name, because I
was well aware of their romantic history, and the fact that she was not yet
over him.
“No, Cakes,” she said without
missing a beat.
It had been quite obvious to me
for a while that Cakes was into me but I just didn’t feel that way about him.
The funny thing is, if he had not been so obviously interested I’m sure I would
have liked him more. But the fact that he made it so clear left no mystery for
me. No place for my mind to wander, and this girl’s mind loves to wander. And
also, I had never really been like that with guys before. I mean, I’d kissed a
boy here and there, but it was all very innocent. In those situations I always
felt like a kid trying on adulthood and walking around the store to see how it
felt, before returning to my natural state. The idea of officially being in a
relationship with someone, of having an actual boyfriend made me feel very
self-conscious. I guess I was nervous about letting go of the final strands of
my childhood.
“Oh, really? Cakes? Does he now?”
I said, averting my eyes from Dexter.
“Because if you’re not into him,” Penny continued, “I could totally see
he and I…” Cakes bumbled over and interrupted.
“I don’t know why he left our
band for this,” he said. “This has no chance of going anywhere at all. Right?”
He folded his arms, screwed up his nose and watched Dexter’s performance with
scrutiny. “Not a chance.”
“I don’t know, Cakes. The girls
seem to like it,” Penny said.
“Whatever. Who wants to play for
a room full of girls anyway?” Cakes snorted. “Not you, apparently,” I quipped.
Cakes’s real name is Patrick
Baker. Dexter used to think it was hilarious to call him Patty Cakes Baker, and
over time I guess the name Cakes just stuck. It could have been worse though,
he could have been called Patty. Anyway, Cakes was quite good looking,
actually. Not handsome per se, but definitely good looking enough to be one of
the “other guys”
in a boy band. I always joked
that he looked like he’d just fallen out of a cheap fashion catalogue, wet
brown floppy hair and all. Why some guys have perpetually wet hair, I’ll never
know.
“Wait.” Penny
turned to me.
“Why did you
think I meant
Dexter?” I froze, clamped my hands together and looked
down at my black kitten heels.
“Oh, no reason.”
About
the Author:
I grew up in Melbourne Australia
and was fortunate enough to have a relatively unexciting childhood. After high
school I attended film school at Deakin University, and while making the
requisite pretentious art projects I discovered I had a knack for writing
dialogue. In short, I wanted to be the next Quentin Tarantino.
After film school I put my
passion asside and began an hilarious and relatively short lived culinary
career. Quickly rising up the ranks, I found myself cooking in some of
Australia’s finest restaurants and finishing a 3 year apprenticeship in 18
months. It was in these hellish kitchens that I rediscovered my love for
quirky, dirty, flirty characters, which again stoked my desire for writing and
the arts.
Upon hearing The Strokes for the
first time, and with absolutely no preparation whatsoever I moved to New York
City in 2003. I was once more surrounded by a bevy of interesting folks,
inundating me with stories of hardship, romance and hope. How one cannot find inspiration
in this city was beyond me. What was also beyond me was the ability to generate
an income, so I hopped on the Greyhound with the little money I had left and
got as far away as I could.
Austin Texas was my next port of
call. Upon arriving I had a mere $40 to my name, but coupled with the attitude
of a fearless traveler I was invincible. I quickly finagled a job, a room in a
Revenge of the Nerds style college housing situation and the prominent position
as lead guitarist in The Handsome Charlies.
I wouldn’t say I was a great
guitarist, but I certainly knew how to act like one, and as we were sharing
bills with The Black Angels and Ghostland Observatory I could be excused for
thinking that I too would make it. But after a particularly ghastly SXSW performance
I found myself standing in the parking lot listening to The Strokes perform “Is
this it?” across the road. “No it is not”, I answered, and declared that I
would return to writing and not continue to get distracted by flashier
pursuits.
I commenced writing screenplays,
pilots and web series like a madman and have not slowed down since. I now have
multiple screenplays in various stages of development, and have completed my
first novel. And I am here to stay!
Connect with the Author at
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